Saturday, August 29, 2015

Be Not Afraid

I think we all suffer from acute blindness at times. Life is a constant journey of trying to open your eyes. I'm just beginning my journey, and my eyes aren't fully open yet.

Some things can't be explained. Maybe "explained, but not fully understood. Every life change comes on the heels of tons of advice, predictions, assumptions, and hopefulness. Having a kid is no different. No one can ever explain the magnitude of parenthood. Much like no one can explain the pain of a shark bite until you've felt it. It's like trying to explain an ocean to a blind person, they may grasp the idea, but they won't truly see it, until they see it. 

You are blind before you are a parent. Just like you are blind before go to college, work your first job, love for the first time etc. Words just can't describe. 

So for those adults out there who are terrified of having kids, terrified of losing: freedom, yourself, your money, your fun, your control, your lifestyle, your sleep... Your everything... It's ok. I was terrified too. 

And I did lose all of those things to an extent. 

Don't feel rushed. Live your young life. The young adult life has different lengths for everyone. But even though the thought of losing all of those things is terrifying, it is beautiful. 

New journeys are beautiful. 

Saying goodbye is hard, but saying hello is better. 

"Old Ann" as we call her isn't dead... She's just more tame. 

It's instead of whiskey and coke.... It's coke with some whiskey. That's ok though. There will most likely be a point in your life when you'll be ready to make the switch. Some people's whiskey bottles are bigger than others. 

But regardless of our drink choices, regardless of what you fear, no one can explain the magnitude of parenthood to you. So just get there when you get there. (Having an amazing best friend to go the adventure with, really helps)

Every summer before I had a kid, I kept trying to embrace every single free moment. I would revel in eating outside free of responsibility, I would travel just to travel. I would do whatever I wanted when I wanted. 

The do whatever you want WHEN you want dies but you can still do what you want. 

This summer with Lucas was the best summer of my life.  Not lying. Side note, my kid doesn't chill. He's always on the go and he has since day one. There is no rest for me. But isn't that what I wanted? A life full and a life of experiences. Sure I miss binge watching Netflix... But do I really? Is that life?

For you out there that love life and freedom, imagine taking your best friend to all the places you love. That's parenthood. This summer starting in May I did something every day until August. I never stayed home all day. He wouldn't allow it anyways. 

I made a baby bucket list. I took him everywhere I loved. It was the best summer ever. We went to every park i could find and explored new paths. We went to almost every museum I could think of. We went to Tennesee and did everything I loved as a child. 

He's his most calm and happy when we are out. Exhausting, but amazing. 

I have someone to show the world to. I'm the tour guide for life. What better adventure?

Yes I lost. But what I gained, just can't be described. 

Fun has a new meaning. 
Adventure looks different. 
3 am looks a lot different too. 
But love...

Man, I was blind before. 

So fear not wild adventurer .. You largest climb and most amazing view are right around the bend. 

Tuesday, January 13, 2015

Miles to go Before I Sleep

"The woods are lovely, dark and deep. But I have promises to keep, and miles to go before I sleep." -Robert Frost

See Robert Frost knew a little thing about parenthood. Parenthood is lovely, dark, and deep. To say it is only lovely is wrong, and to say it is only dark is wrong. Parenthood is made up of so many things that people forget to mention. That they can't say out loud.

I'm a realist tried and true. Parenthood isn't what you see on facebook posts of "LOVE, SLEEP, and CUDDLES." Well it is, but its also a lot of other things too.

I like to call these, the "shitty" things. Don't get me wrong, when I had him in my arms and we were a family of 3, it literally was the happiest day of my life. BUT you know how we survived the first 8 weeks? Not cuddling... Not gazing into baby eyes... Not kisses on the head.


Being real.

Hell, you can't cuddle with a baby who doesn't sleep. Well you can try, but it looks like you are trying to restrain a mental patient.

Now before you get your panties in a bunch, this following list is supposed to be funny. But it's also REAL. I wrote this because I think it's important for people to see someone struggle, to have a hard time, to not make it easy. BECAUSE THAT'S REAL. Maybe it was colic, or his reflux, or we didn't know what we were doing, but it was hard. So if a new mom is out there feeling like they are doing something wrong because it's not going as you planned. Revel in our sarcasm.

I hope when Lucas grows up he doesn't feel like he needs to put on a show to make his life look perfect. God knows we don't. If it's any kind of show, its a shit show, haha.

So, here's a list of things Justin and I have said in the first 8 weeks of life. If you can't laugh about it, you'll cry... and no one likes crying. 

Try to guess which one I said and which one he said. (Hint: he's the dramatic one.) 

We aren't doing this again.

How do people use cloth diapers? This kid pisses 50 times a day.

You don't know skill until you pee while holding a sleeping baby.

I bottle feed my baby breastmilk. Just because he doesn't suck on my tit doesn't mean he won't love me.

Did you wear that yesterday?  - Yes, and the day before.

Your kid sleeps through the night at 4 weeks? Really? REALLY?!

Omg it's everywhere! I'm going to throw up.

Oh, OH, he's peeing!
He peed on the pointsettas.
He peed in his hair.
He peed on his back.
He peed on Heather.
He threw up in his eyes.
He threw up, but Boston got it.
He threw up down Kelly's shirt.
He thew up on his polo.

10 diapers a day? Lies.

They want me to cut out diary and caffeine. So... what is left? 

Omg, he's shitting. RIGHT NOW!

He threw up on all of my Michigan shirts.

What's that smell? 

Did you ever let Boston inside?

Do people REALLY like the newborn phase?

Do I need to wipe that off?

There's poop on your arm.

It's your turn.

Um, aren't you going to change? - No, he'll throw up on me again soon.

It'll get better? When? When he's 20?

Boston ate his mittens.

He seriously just punched me in the face.

YOU wanted this.

Here you drive, and I'll eat. Then I'll drive and you can eat.

He shit so loud I almost dropped him.

The pediatrician said he was dramatic.

Oh God, he's awake.

I know some people love every second, and that is great. I think it's really based on your personality and your baby. I love HIM every second. I do not love having vomit go down my shirt. Call me crazy. If you are sitting there thinking how horrible I am for writing this, go move to planet perfect. (Hey, I told you not to read it.)

All those people that said "It'll get better." I wanted to punch, but hey, they were right. Granted he was never the "all they do is sleep" baby. BUT he sleeps like a 5-6 hour stretch at night and is much easier to figure out now. 

Don't worry, he won't sleep now, because I wrote this.

Back to the Robert Frost poem, "But I have promises to keep, and miles to go before I sleep."
During labor (don't ask, long story), I faced the dark and I made a promise. If I could just have a healthy baby, I would do anything to raise him to be a great man that made a positive impact on the world. So.. even if I have miles to go before I sleep, its ok, because I have promises to keep.